How to Ingraham an Apology
Laura Ingraham has never been known for her tact. This is a person who, while editor of her college newspaper, sent a reporter to secretly record and out students who were meeting as part of a Gay Straight Alliance. So it should come as little surprise that this same person took to Twitter earlier this week to mock David Hogg, a 17-year-old Douglas Stoneman survivor turned gun control advocate:
The fallout was swift: In response to a boycott organized by Hogg, who it's becoming increasingly clear is someone you do not want to mess with, Ingraham has lost eight of her largest advertisers. And you know you're in trouble when companies like Johnson & Johnson and Nestle have the moral high ground. She was even forced to send out what some might contend is an approximate of an apology:
She apologized! And summoned the forgiving spirit of those observing Holy Week to do so! So who are we to continue criticizing Ingraham, a person once named among 2013’s top 25 most influential Republican women by Newsmax Magazine? Let’s move on!
But before we do, I'm wondering if Ingraham might be on to something. Does summoning the spirit of Holy Week give your apology extra oomph? Is it like the All Spice of remorse? Just casually drop mention of the Resurrection of Christ into your apology and then—shazam!—that foul-smelling bile you were spewing just moments before has a nice holy after taste!
I think we should all give this Ingraham-style apology a try. But hurry! Holy Week ends tomorrow, so let’s all get our sins forgiven while everything is still particularly Christian-y. Here’s some I’d love to hear:
“On reflection, in the spirit of Holy Week, I apologize for biting Beyoncé on the nose,” –Mystery Actress
“On reflection, in the spirit of Holy Week, I apologize for the electoral college,” –Founding Fathers
“On reflection, in the spirit of Holy Week, I apologize for rubbing my feces on the lampshade.” –Jerry Blank
“On reflection, in the spirit of Holy Week, Shangela should have won.” –Ru Paul Charles.
“On reflection, in the spirit of Holy Week, I apologize for mocking the teenage survivor of a school shooting because I disagree with his politics.” –What Laura Ingraham should have said.